Are you tired of feeling controlled, manipulated, and drained by your toxic family members?

It's tough to navigate relationships with toxic individuals, especially when they are family members.

But what if you can be better aware of the manipulative tactics they may use, could that help you protect yourself and your well-being better?

In this article, we will delve into 20 top manipulative tactics to watch out for when dealing with toxic family members.  By understanding these tactics, you can empower yourself to assert your boundaries and safeguard your mental health.

So, if you're ready to arm yourself against the manipulative tactics of toxic family members, read on to discover the top 20 manipulative tactics to watch out for."

1. The flashlight in your face tactic

This involves causing someone to doubt their own perceptions and memories. It is like shining a flashlight in someone's eyes and then telling them that they're imagining the light when they complain about it being too bright. The manipulator is a gaslighter who is trying to make the victim doubt their own senses and reality, causing confusion and insecurity.

Common examples of this...

1. A partner who constantly denies saying or doing certain things, even when confronted with evidence, in order to make their partner doubt their own memory and perception.
2. A boss who regularly tells their employee that they are "too sensitive" or "overreacting" to situations, in order to make the employee doubt their own judgment and perception of reality.
3. A friend who constantly changes their story or contradicts what they previously said, in order to make the victim doubt their own recollection of events.

Simple steps that you can take to guard against this flashlight in your face tactic

• Trust your own perceptions and experiences. It is important to recognize that your own feelings and memories are valid, even if someone else is trying to make you doubt them.
• Keep track of important conversations and events. It can be helpful to take notes or keep a journal of important conversations or events, in order to have a record of what actually happened.

2. The heavy weight tactic

This involves making someone feel guilty or responsible for something in order to manipulate their actions or decisions. It is like tying a heavy weight to someone's leg and then pushing them into a pool, telling them that it is their own fault for not being able to swim. The manipulator is trying to make the victim feel responsible for a situation that the manipulator has caused, in order to control their behavior.

Common examples of this

1. A parent who constantly reminds their child of all the sacrifices they have made, in order to make the child feel guilty for not complying with their wishes.
2. A partner who tries to make their significant other feel guilty for not spending enough time with them, even when the other person has valid reasons for being busy.
3. A friend who tries to make their friend feel guilty for not doing something that they want, by bringing up past favors or kindnesses that have been done for them.

Simple steps to guard against the heavy weight tactic

• Recognize the tactic. It is important to be aware of the tactics that someone is using to manipulate you, so that you can take steps to protect yourself.
• Set boundaries. It is important to let the person know that you will not allow yourself to be made to feel guilty for things that are not your responsibility.
• Communicate your needs and boundaries clearly. It is important to be clear about what you are and are not willing to do, and to communicate this to the person who is trying to manipulate you.

3. The trashcan tactic

This person devalues or belittles someone's thoughts, feelings, or experiences. It is like tearing up a letter that someone has written to you and throwing it in the trash, telling them that their words are not worth considering. The manipulator uses dismissive language to invalidate the victim's thoughts and emotions, in order to maintain control or superiority.

Common examples of dismissive language

1. A parent who constantly invalidates their child's emotions or experiences, by saying things like "You're too young to understand" or "You're just being difficult."
2. A teacher who dismisses their student's concerns or questions, by saying things like "That's not relevant to the lesson" or "We don't have time for that."
3. A customer service representative who dismisses a customer's complaints or requests, by saying things like "That's just how it is" or "I can't do anything about that."

Simple steps you can take to guard against the trashcan tactic

1. Pay attention to your own language: Be mindful of how you communicate with others and try to be respectful and considerate, even when you disagree with them.
2. Set boundaries: It's important to establish clear boundaries and communicate them to others. If someone is using dismissive language or behaving disrespectfully, it's okay to let them know that this behavior is not acceptable.
3. Practice active listening: When someone is speaking to you, try to really listen and understand their perspective, rather than just waiting for your turn to speak or reacting defensively.

4. The fake "I'm in pain" tactic.

The manipulator portrays himself as a victim in order to gain sympathy or avoid responsibility. It is like pretending to be sick in order to get out of going to school or work, even though there is nothing physically wrong with you. The manipulator is trying to manipulate others into feeling sorry for them or helping them, in order to get what they want.

Common examples of this

1. A friend who constantly blames others for their own problems or misfortunes, rather than taking responsibility for their actions or circumstances.
2. A person tends to exaggerate their problems or suffering in order to gain sympathy or attention.
3. A sister refuses to take responsibility for their actions or circumstances, and instead shifts the blame onto others.

Simple steps you can take to guard against the fake "I'm in pain" tactic.

1. Don't automatically assume that someone is a victim. Take the time to listen to their story and consider all the facts before making a judgement.
2. Don't allow yourself to be manipulated. Remember that you have the right to say no and to set boundaries.
3. Encourage the person to take responsibility for their actions and to find solutions to their problems.
4. Offer support and assistance, but don't enable their victimhood by constantly rescuing them or taking on their problems as your own.

5. The key evasion tactic

With this tactic the manipulator refuses to acknowledge or comply with a request. It is like a person who refuses to hand over a key, pretending that they don't have it even though it is clearly visible in their hand. The manipulator uses denial to avoid acknowledging or fulfilling the request, in order to maintain control or avoid consequences.

Common examples of this

1. Refusing to acknowledge or accept that a problem or mistake exists, even when presented with evidence to the contrary.
2. Disputing the facts or reality of a situation, often through the use of misinformation or selective interpretation of evidence.
3. Claiming that a problem is not as serious as it appears, or that it is someone else's responsibility to address.

Some simple steps you can take to guard against the key evasion tactic

1. Educate yourself about the issue or problem at hand. Seek out reliable sources of information and be open to different perspectives.
2. Stay calm and focused, and try not to let emotions cloud your judgment.
3. Seek out additional evidence or perspectives to confirm or refute the claims being made.
4. Don't be afraid to challenge the person engaging in denial, but do so in a respectful and constructive manner.

6. The information control tactic

This involves deliberately keeping important information from someone. It is like hiding a map from someone who is lost, pretending that you don't know the way even though you do. The manipulator is trying to control the flow of information, in order to maintain an advantage or exert control over the victim.

Common examples of this

1. Withholding key facts or information that would be necessary for someone to make an informed decision.
2. Concealing evidence or information that would be relevant to a situation.
3. Refusing to share information or resources that someone has a right to access.

To guard against the information control tactic, try...

1. Being clear about your needs and expectations for communication and information sharing.
2. Establish clear lines of communication with the people you work with.
3. Being proactive in seeking out information and asking for clarification when needed.
4. If you feel that someone is withholding information from you, try to have an open and honest conversation about it. It may be a misunderstanding or there may be a valid reason for the withholding.
5. If necessary, consider seeking outside help or bringing in a neutral third party to facilitate communication and information sharing.

7. The plant killer tactic

The manipulator is deliberately depriving someone of emotional support or physical affection. It is like a plant that is not given enough water and sunlight, withering and dying because it is not being nourished. The manipulator witholds affection and attention to control the victim's access to emotional support or affection, in order to manipulate their behavior or emotions.

Common examples of this

1. Refusing to show affection or give attention in order to punish or control the other person.
2. Withholding affection or attention as a way to manipulate the other person into doing something.
3. Using affection or attention as a reward for good behavior.

Simple things you can do to guard against withholding plant killer tactic

1. Set clear boundaries and communicate your needs openly and honestly with your partner.
2. Don't allow yourself to be manipulated or controlled through the withholding of affection or attention.
3. Practice self-care and seek support from friends, family, or a therapist if you feel like your emotional needs are not being met in the relationship.

8. The gun control tactic

This tactic involves using fear or consequences as a means of control. It is like a person holding a gun to someone's head and demanding their wallet, threatening violence if the victim does not comply. The manipulator threatens or punishes to control the victim's actions through the use of fear or the threat of punishment.

Common examples of this are

1. Making threats or ultimatums in order to control or manipulate the other person.
2. Using physical or verbal aggression as a means of punishment.
3. Withholding resources or privileges as a form of punishment.

Here are some simple tipe to guard against the gun control tactic

1. Don't let fear or intimidation control your actions or decisions. Instead, try to remain calm and rational, and consider your options and resources.
2. Seek support from trusted friends, family, or professionals if you are being threatened or punished.
3. Don't be afraid to set boundaries and communicate your needs and limits with the person who is threatening or punishing you. If necessary, consider seeking legal or protective measures.

9. The snake charming tactic

This involves using insincere praise or friendly demeanor in order to gain someone's trust or favor. It is like a snake charmer who uses music and movements to lure the snake out of its basket, only to then capture and exploit it. The manipulator uses flatery or charm to manipulate the victim through the use of insincere flattery or charm, in order to gain their trust or favor.

Common examples of this

1. Using excessive or insincere compliments to flatter or charm the other person.
2. Playing on the other person's emotions or vulnerabilities in order to get what you want.
3. Pretending to be someone you're not in order to win the other person's favor.

To guard the snake charming tactic, you can try the following

1. Don't take flattery or charm at face value and try to look for ulterior motives.
2. Remember that not all attention is genuine, and be wary of people who seem too good to be true.
3. Don't let flattery or charm cloud your judgement or cause you to overlook red flags.

10. The mirror game tactic

With this tactic the manipulator attributes their own negative traits or behaviors onto another person. It is like a person standing in front of a mirror and seeing an ugly reflection, but instead of acknowledging their own flaws and changing, they blame the mirror for being distorted instead of taking responsibility for their own actions or thoughts. The manipulator is trying to avoid taking responsibility for their own actions or thoughts, and instead projects them onto someone else in order to evade consequences or accountability.

Common examples of this

1. Accusing someone else of having the same flaws or behaviors that the individual themselves exhibits.
2. Attributing one's own negative emotions or motives onto someone else.
3. Claiming that someone else is responsible for the individual's own problems or negative experiences.

To guard against the mirror game tactic, here are some simple steps

1. Avoid getting defensive or taking the accusations personally. Instead, try to listen to the other person's perspective and validate their feelings.
2. If someone is projecting their own negative traits or actions onto you, calmly and assertively communicate that you are not responsible for their feelings or behaviors.
3. Encourage the person to take ownership of their own thoughts, feelings, and actions, and offer support and understanding as they work through their issues.

11. The ball-droping tactic

With this tactic the manipulator avoids taking responsibility for their own actions or mistakes, and instead blames someone else for them. It is like throwing a ball at someone's feet and then accusing them of dropping it. The manipulator uses blaming to avoid taking responsibility for their own actions or mistakes, and instead blames someone else for them in order to evade consequences or accountability.

Common examples of this

1. A parent who continually blames their child's behavior or performance on a teacher or another adult, rather than taking responsibility for their own shortcomings as a parent.
2. A friend who attempts to shift blame for arguments or disagreements onto someone else.
3. A partner who shifts the blame for failed relationship goals onto their partner or another person.

Simple steps to guard against becoming a target of the ball dropping tactic

1. Don't take responsibility for someone else's actions or mistakes. It is important to take accountability for your own choices and behaviors. If you are a parent, for example, you should take responsibility for your own parenting skills and behavior.
2. If you find that your relationship with someone is deteriorating, it may be because of your partner's blaming. It is important to be upfront with your partner about the issues that are causing problems and to make any needed changes.
3. If you are the target of blame, it is important to remember that you deserve respect and to set boundaries around what is and is not acceptable behavior from others.

12.  The magician's tactic

This tactic involves diverting attention away from the issue at hand. It is like a magician distracting the audience with one hand while performing a trick with the other. The manipulator uses changing the subject to avoid addressing the issue or topic at hand, and instead redirects the conversation to something else in order to evade responsibility or accountability.

Common examples of this

1. Diversion tactics: An individual may try to change the subject by bringing up unrelated topics or by making jokes or distracting comments.
2. Redirection: An individual may try to change the subject by asking a question or making a statement that shifts the focus of the conversation away from the original topic.
3. Deflection: An individual may try to change the subject by denying responsibility or deflecting blame onto someone else.

To guard against the magician's tactic, here are some simple steps you can take:

1. Stay focused on the original topic and don't allow yourself to be distracted by unrelated comments or questions.
2. If someone tries to change the subject, gently redirect the conversation back to the original topic and remind them of what you were discussing.
3. If you feel that someone is trying to avoid a difficult or uncomfortable topic, calmly and assertively communicate that you would like to address the issue and that you are open to hearing their perspective.

13.  The "three people tug-of-war" tactic

With this tactic the manipulator involves a third party in a relationship in order to manipulate one person. It is like a tug-of-war where one person is being pulled back and forth between two opponents. The manipulator uses triangulation to gain an advantage or control over the victim, and may try to sow seeds of doubt or mistrust between the victim and the third party in order to further their own agenda.

Common examples this

1. Gossiping about someone to a third party instead of addressing the issue directly with that person.
2. Seeking the validation or support of a third party when in conflict with someone else, rather than trying to resolve the issue directly.
3. Involving a third party in a conversation or situation in order to gain an advantage or to manipulate the outcome.

To guard against this tactic, here are some simple steps you can take:

1. Communicate directly with the person you have an issue with, rather than involving a third party.
2. Don't participate in gossip or conversations that involve triangulating others.
3. If someone tries to triangulate you, calmly and assertively communicate that you are not interested in involving a third party and that you would prefer to address the issue directly.

14. The predator tactic

With this tactic the manipulator isolates the victim from their support system. It is like a predator separating its prey from the herd. The manipulator uses isolation to make the victim more vulnerable and reliant on them, and may try to alienate the victim from their friends, family, or other sources of support in order to increase their own control over the victim.

Common examples of this

1. Discouraging or preventing the victim from seeing friends or family.
2. Creating an environment where the victim is isolated from others.
3. Discrediting or undermining the victim's relationships with others.

To guard against someone using the predator tactic against you, here are some simple steps

1. Stay connected with your support system and seek out new relationships if necessary.
2. Don't let the other person's actions or words cause you to doubt your relationships or value as a person.
3. Seek out professional support if you feel that you are being isolated by someone.
4. Communicate your needs and boundaries with the person who is attempting to isolate you, and let them know that you value and will maintain your relationships with others.

15. The cat 'n' mouse tactic

In this tactic the manipulator pretends to be unaware or ignorant in order to avoid responsibility or accountability. It is like a cat playing with a mouse, where the cat is intentionally pretending to be unaware of the mouse's presence, only to pounce on it when it is least expecting it. Just like the cat, themanipulator using this tactic is either waiting for the right moment to strike, or trying to avoid taking responsibility or to shift blame onto someone else whilst using their act of playing dumb as a cover for their true intentions.

Common examples of this

1. Pretending not to understand a question or request in order to avoid answering.
2. Claiming to have forgotten or lost important information in order to avoid accountability.
3. Acting clueless in order to avoid taking on a task or responsibility.

To guard against someone using this against you, here are some simple steps you can take

1. Don't let the other person's act fool you. Instead, try to calmly and clearly communicate what you need or expect.
2. If the person continues to play dumb, try to gather more information or ask for clarification in order to better understand the situation.
3. If the person's behavior is causing problems or difficulties, calmly and assertively communicate your concerns and the impact their actions are having.

16. The knife at your throat tactic

This involves using fear or threats in order to manipulate. The manipulator is like a person holding a knife to someone's throat and demanding their wallet. The manipulator uses fear as a means of coercion or control, and may threaten harm, loss, or other negative consequences in order to get the victim to do what they want.

Common examples this

1. Scare tactics: This involves using fear or the threat of negative consequences to manipulate someone into doing something. For example, a car salesman might try to scare a customer into buying a car by saying that it's the last one in stock and won't be available for much longer.
2. Intimidation: This involves using physical, verbal, or nonverbal cues to make someone feel threatened or afraid. For example, a bully might try to intimidate their victim by standing over them and shouting.
3. Blackmail: This involves using sensitive or incriminating information to threaten or coerce someone into doing something they don't want to do. For example, a hacker might try to blackmail a company by threatening to release sensitive data unless they are paid a ransom.

To guard against someone using this tactic against you, here are some steps

1. Stay calm and don't let the other person see that you are afraid.
2. Don't immediately give in to their demands. Take some time to think about the situation and consider your options.
3. Seek support from friends, family, or a professional counselor.
4. Don't be afraid to say no and stand up for yourself.
5. If the situation is serious, such as a threat of physical harm, don't hesitate to call the authorities for help.

18. The Siren's song tactic

Using emotional appeals to manipulate is a tactic that involves using emotions or appeals to sympathy in order to manipulate someone's actions or decisions. It is like like a person using a siren's song to lure someone off course. The manipulator uses tactics such as crying, pleading, guilt-tripping, or appealing to the victim's love or loyalty in order to get them to comply. These emotional appeals can be difficult to resist and can lead the victim away from their own values and goals.

Common examples  this:

1. Flattery: This involves praising or complimenting someone in order to manipulate them into doing something. For example, a salesperson might flatter a customer by saying they have excellent taste in order to get them to buy a product.
2. Guilt: This involves making someone feel guilty in order to manipulate them into doing something. For example, a parent might try to make their child feel guilty for not visiting more often by saying "I'm getting old and I'll be gone before you know it."
3. Appeal to pity: This involves eliciting sympathy or compassion in order to manipulate someone into doing something. For example, a charity might use images of starving children in their advertising to appeal to people's sense of pity and get them to donate money.

To guard against someone using the Sieren's song tactic against you, here are some steps you can take

1. Recognize when someone is trying to manipulate your emotions and take a step back to assess the situation objectively.
2. Don't let your emotions cloud your judgment. Take the time to think about the situation and consider your options.
3. Don't be afraid to say no and stand up for yourself.
4. Seek support from friends, family, or a professional counselor if you are struggling with difficult emotions.
5. Remember that you are in control of your own decisions and actions, and you have the right to make choices that are best for you.

19. The alluring web tactic

The manipulator weaves a tapestry of false information. Using lies to manipulate is like a person spinning a web of deceit, entangling the victim in a confusing and uncertain web of false information.  With each lie building upon the previous one in order to deceive the victim. Just as a spider's web can ensnare and entangle its prey, the manipulator's lies can entangle the victim in a web of confusion and uncertainty, making it difficult for them to distinguish truth from fiction.

Common examples this

1. Omission: This involves leaving out important information or details in order to deceive someone. For example, a car salesman might omit the fact that a car has been in a major accident in order to sell it to an unsuspecting customer.
2. Half-truth: This involves telling only part of the truth in order to deceive someone. For example, a politician might only present the positive aspects of a policy while omitting the negative consequences.
3. Outright lie: This involves making a false statement with the intention of deceiving someone. For example, a thief might lie and say they are a police officer in order to gain access to someone's home.

To guard against someone using it against you, here are some steps you can take

1. Be cautious of people who seem too good to be true or who make unrealistic promises.
2. Seek out multiple sources of information before making a decision.
3. Ask for proof or documentation to back up claims.
4. Trust your instincts. If something doesn't feel right, it's okay to say no or to ask more questions.
5. Don't be afraid to speak up and confront someone if you suspect they are lying.

20. The body language tactic

This involves using physical actions or nonverbal cues to convey a false message. It is like a person using body language or facial expressions to convey a false message. The manipulator uses physical gestures to influence the victim's thoughts or actions without directly stating their intention or desire. They may use facial expressions, body language, or other physical cues in order to manipulate the victim into doing something that they want.

Common examples of this

1. Invading personal space: Someone may invade your personal space in an attempt to intimidate or dominate you. They may stand too close, invade your bubble, or even touch you without your consent.
2. Using dominant body language: Someone may use dominant body language, such as standing tall, taking up a lot of space, or making direct eye contact, in an attempt to assert their dominance over you.
3. Mirroring: Someone may mirror your body language, gestures, or facial expressions in an attempt to build rapport and gain your trust. However, they may also use this tactic to manipulate you into feeling like you have a connection with them.

To guard against someone using physical gestures to manipulate you, here are some steps you can take

1. Set boundaries: Make it clear that you do not appreciate being invaded without your consent. You can do this by using verbal or nonverbal cues, such as stepping back or crossing your arms.
2. Pay attention to your own body language: Use confident body language, such as standing tall and maintaining eye contact, to show that you are not intimidated.
3. Be aware of the context: If someone is mirroring your body language, pay attention to the context and the person's intentions. If you do not feel comfortable or if you suspect that the person is trying to manipulate you, distance yourself from them.
4. Seek support: If you feel threatened or uncomfortable, seek support from a trusted friend or professional. It is important to prioritize your own safety and well-being.

You've got the tools to arm yourself against toxic family members

By understanding the various manipulative tactics that toxic family members may use, you can now take steps to protect yourself and safeguard your mental health.

Remember that you have the right to set boundaries and to assert yourself when someone is trying to manipulate or control you.

Don't be afraid to seek support from trusted friends, family, or a mental health professional if you need it. You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, and by being aware of these manipulative tactics, you can empower yourself to stand up for yourself and your well-being.

Remember, you are strong, capable, and deserving of healthy, positive relationships.

Don't let toxic family members or anyone else manipulate you – instead, take control of your life and relationships, and choose to surround yourself with people who treat you with the respect and care that you deserve.

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