When you harm someone else, it is like a wound on your own body. When you have a wound, it hurts, and you want to avoid making that pain come up again. You can develop compassion for yourself as you experience the suffering of another.
To cultivate compassion, focus on your body and what you are feeling.
If you are hurting, ask yourself what kind of pain you are feeling, and what it feels like. For example, it may be aching, sharp, dull, or heavy.
As you bring your attention to these sensations, ask yourself, “Where is this coming from?” You can also bring your attention to the source of the pain: what caused you to feel like this?
If you have been harmed, you can ask yourself, “How do I wish to be treated in this situation?”
As you work with these questions, notice if you feel the desire to withdraw from the experience. This impulse may be a natural reaction.
Withholding from suffering doesn’t actually resolve it. Instead, it adds to the suffering.
By allowing yourself to feel the pain and then asking about the source of the pain, you can begin to see it as part of a larger story, which includes you and the other person. You can start to develop a perspective that sees the whole situation as bigger than you and the other person.
Compassion is a willingness to step out of the way and let things unfold in their own way. You may feel a sense of loss when you experience the suffering of another. It can be helpful to ask yourself how you can best support the other person, and be present with them in the moment.
For example, you may say, “I can be here for you when you are experiencing that.” Or, “May you find peace in your life in whatever way you need it.”
These kinds of phrases can offer a great deal of comfort to someone you have harmed. It may be difficult to feel comfortable with the other person in the moment, but you can still be with them.
You can also express compassion in many different ways. One common one is to send the other person a message of hope, or a prayer for healing.
In addition, you can practice compassion in everyday interactions. For example, when you notice yourself being critical, compassionate phrases such as: “May you know kindness” or “May you be safe and peaceful” can help.
If you are the other person, you may be surprised at the impact that you feel. You may feel comforted by the attention you receive from the person offering the compassion.
You may also notice that the other person begins to feel differently about their suffering. For example, they may begin to feel less alone, or even healed.
If you feel you want to make some big changes in your life, you may struggle to know what that means for you and how to get there.
If you have never made a major change before, you may be unsure about where to start or how to proceed.
In this guided exercise, you can take the first step towards living your best life by choosing to create a compassionate resolve to live it.
Begin by inviting kindness into the body, focusing on the breath. This practice will help you cultivate a positive mind-set that will support the decisions you make about your life.
Next, take a few moments to think about the choices in your life. What do you value? What do you like about yourself? What are your goals? These questions can help you begin to think more concretely about the changes you want to make.
If you want to move forward in a particular area of your life, you can work to align your thoughts and behaviors with that goal. This is where the practice of compassion can support you.
Imagine a friend who is going through similar challenges in their life. You might imagine them as a parent, a partner, or a child.
Bring your attention to your friend and imagine they are experiencing the same struggles you are. Imagine how it feels to be in their situation.
Begin to offer these phrases to yourself: May I be kind to myself. May I be patient with myself. May I be gentle with myself. May I be strong and courageous for myself. May I be happy for myself.
Imagine how it would feel if you were able to take these things for yourself in your life. Feelings of gratitude and appreciation for your own life can help you keep moving forward.
These phrases are useful because they allow you to connect with the emotions in your heart, rather than with your ego. Your ego may try to convince you that you are alone, or that nobody cares about you, but this is untrue.
So use these phrases to remind yourself that you are supported. You are not alone, and the people you care about will be there for you. They are helping you right now.
When the time is right, bring your attention to your mind and feelings.
Think about the qualities that make you you. What are your qualities? You may think of your personality, your intelligence, your talents, your skills, or even your physical appearance.
Now, bring to mind somebody you care about. How do you see them in your mind? What is it like for them to be in the world?
Connect with the intention to help yourself and your friend. You can do this by offering to them the phrases you offered to yourself.
May you have a better quality of life. May you be kind to yourself. May you be patient with yourself. May you be gentle with yourself. May you be strong and courageous for yourself.
May you be happy for yourself.
When you are ready, return to the breath and continue.
Close the eyes, and repeat this exercise several times.
When you practice kindness, you have the opportunity to heal yourself.
If you can’t make the whole world kind, you can offer kindness to yourself.
Resolve to cultivate kindness to yourself. The next time you notice yourself engaging in unkind behavior toward yourself, take action.
Say to yourself, I will be kind to myself today.
Notice the feeling of kindness toward yourself in the body. You may find that you feel a sense of strength, confidence, or calmness.
Try offering yourself a few words of kindness, like:
I’m glad to be alive.
I love my family and friends.
I am worthy of kindness.
I am grateful for my life.
With practice, you can begin to notice when you are engaging in unkind thoughts or behaviors toward yourself and respond with kindness.
A simple act of kindness will nourish the mind and the body. Try this: Spend the day doing kind actions toward yourself, like eating well, taking a shower, or meditating.
You can choose a simple act or make it more elaborate. As a way of practice, you could even create a list of what you would do if you were able to offer kindness to yourself 100% of the time.
The more often you offer yourself kindness, the more you will be able to see yourself as worthy of kindness and the less you will feel inclined to engage in unkind thoughts or behaviors.
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