When the mind becomes stuck in self-criticism and self-judgment, it can create a vicious cycle of low self-esteem. It is important to practice self-compassion.
You can offer yourself compassion when you feel self-critical. The next time you find yourself criticizing yourself, say to yourself, “I have compassion for myself when I am not feeling good.”
In this exercise, you can practice self-compassion by considering what you dislike about yourself and then making a choice.
Think about what makes you feel uncomfortable about yourself. When you do this, you can choose the kindest thing you can imagine for yourself, even if it’s something small.
For example, when you think about things you dislike about yourself, you might notice that you tend to forget things, you are lazy, or you are slow to make decisions.
You can begin to practice offering yourself kindness when you notice these things. When you notice yourself forgetting a phone number, it may be nice to think, “I will remember this information for myself.”
Try thinking of ways you can make life better for yourself, and you may come up with a list of things you like about yourself.
For example, when you notice that you struggle with laziness, you can think, “I can be more efficient at getting things done.” It may be nice to think about how you can improve your mind, body, and spirit.
As you work with this, be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to accept what you don’t like about yourself.
Practice the exercises in this section regularly to help you feel better about yourself.
Close the eyes and bring your attention to the breath. Begin with a simple breath to get started.
Take a moment to notice the air moving in and out of your nostrils. Observe the rise and fall of the abdomen as you inhale and exhale.
When you are ready, bring to mind the first thing that you find undesirable about yourself. You can focus on a physical aspect, like your posture, or a mental aspect, like your memory.
When you are ready, use a phrase like “I accept myself for this.” You may repeat this phrase as many times as you like.
Next, offer a choice about what you would prefer for yourself. Choose a kind thought, and say to yourself, “This is what I wish for myself.”
Repeat this exercise, choosing a positive thought each time.
After several repetitions, return to the breath. Allow five minutes to pass and then open your eyes. Take some time to enjoy the pleasant sensations in your body.
Remember that you have choices. As you practice self-compassion, you will notice that there are many things that you like about yourself.
Self-compassion isn’t about being nicer to yourself. Instead, it helps you take an honest look at yourself and offer tenderness to the parts of your life that are suffering.
We can learn to accept ourselves, even though we may struggle sometimes. This includes acknowledging the emotions we feel and offering kindness to them as they arise.
In this exercise, you will practice self-compassion in the form of journaling. Take your time writing this section. It may be helpful to read this practice over a few times before starting.
Begin by taking a few minutes to write down what it’s like to be you right now.
What do you like about yourself?
What parts of you are struggling? What emotions are you feeling?
When you are ready, pause to reflect for a few seconds on the qualities of your mind and heart.
Bring to mind a difficult experience that has come up for you recently. What happened that made you feel uncomfortable? What did you do to cope with the pain of that experience?
Allow yourself to feel it, noticing any pain you are experiencing. Then begin to write about how you feel about that experience.
Write about how you would like to respond to this experience differently in the future. In addition to reflecting on the experience, you will also imagine a different way of coping. Write about what you might say to yourself if you were able to change.
How would you act differently?
For example, if you were angry, you might say, “I’m angry with you. But I’m going to calm down and not be so upset with you.”
Think about how you want to respond to these emotions and write your response.
Now bring to mind another difficult experience that has come up for you. What happened that made you feel uncomfortable? What did you do to cope with the pain of that experience?
Once again, allow yourself to feel it and write about how you feel. What does this experience remind you of? How do you want to cope with this experience differently in the future?
Bring to mind yet another difficult experience that has come up for you. What happened that made you feel uncomfortable? What did you do to cope with the pain of that experience?
Continue to write about what you feel. What can you do differently in the future to help with this experience?
As you continue to write, notice your thoughts and feelings.
Do you notice any patterns or themes? For example, what are you usually upset about? How do you typically cope with these difficult situations?
If you are having trouble writing, pause to focus on the breath.
What is it like to be you right now? What do you like about yourself? What parts of you are struggling?
Return to your journal and write about your thoughts and feelings.
You can apply self-compassion practice to anything in your life.
In this in-depth practice, you will cultivate a deep feeling of kindness and acceptance toward yourself.
Start by inviting self-compassion into your life.
Ask yourself, “How can I feel self-compassion today?” You don’t have to say anything out loud.
Just notice what arises in your mind and body. Bring awareness to any emotions, thoughts, or images that may arise.
If you notice an emotion, acknowledge it. Ask, “What can I do to feel more compassionate toward myself?” For example, “I notice I’m having feelings of hurt right now. What can I do to feel more compassion toward myself?”
Keep bringing to mind the feeling of self-compassion, even if it’s a small amount at first.
If you notice a thought, such as, “I’m worthless,” notice that too.
Ask yourself, “What can I do to feel more self-compassion?”
Bring awareness to a part of the body, such as the stomach or throat. If you notice the mind wandering, bring it back to the body.
If you notice yourself getting lost in a story, notice this. You don’t need to change your story; just note the story, notice it, and then return to the body.
When you notice thoughts of self-hatred, just ask yourself, “What can I do to feel more self-compassion?”
Focus on the sense of hearing. Listen to your inner voice.
If you notice thoughts of self-judgment, ask yourself, “What can I do to feel more self-compassion?”
Focus on the sense of smell. Smell your favorite scent, a flower, or your favorite food. Notice the sense of smell, noticing any thoughts you may be having.
Bring awareness to your skin. Feel the touch of your hands on your face, your arms, your legs.
Focus on your feet and how they touch the ground. Bring your attention to your toes. Ask yourself, “What can I do to feel more self-compassion?”
Focus on your eyes. Bring your attention to the sense of sight. Notice how your eyes can see. How you see your own reflection.
Close the eyes and bring to mind your feelings.
Ask yourself, “What can I do to feel more self-compassion?”
Take a few moments to notice the body. Ask yourself, “What can I do to feel more self-compassion?”
Take a few moments to notice the breath. Ask yourself, “What can I do to feel more self-compassion?”
Take a few moments to notice the mind.
Ask yourself, “What can I do to feel more self-compassion?”
Close the eyes and invite the intention to feel self-compassion.
Say the phrase, “May I feel more self-compassion.”
Ask yourself, “What can I do to feel more self-compassion?”
Open the eyes. Rest in this state for a moment.
Breathe deeply for a few minutes. Rest in this state for as long as you wish.
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